After I showed him my last journal entry, Rodger scorned the reading and said it was all quite ridiculous and unrealistic. He insisted I add this afterword to tell his side of the story.
First, he said, Ottawa was not very friendly toward snails. When most people saw him for the first time, they said, “What is that?” As if they’d never seen an ambassador from the kingdom of gastropods. For all Canadians are famously polite, he thought they could have shown him more courtesy. Princess Stacie and he developed a special animosity when she didn’t appreciate one of his puns.
Second, he wished me to point out that while everyone in Ottawa is very polite to one another, when they get in a car they drive like morons. He was forced to take the bus most of the time to avoid accidents merging on the freeway since no one would let him over. I pointed out he was slow at merging at the best of times, but “slow” is a touchy subject with him and set him off worse than ever.
Third, he was depressed that most shops only accepted Visa and MasterCard. He asked how on earth he was supposed to win rewards points toward the pro-fungal creme he’s been eyeing on the website? Same with Bing rewards, which pay roughly $5 a month. “Not offered in your country”… Pandora didn’t work either. And then he gave a long rant about Google Canada which, unfortunately, did involve a lot of profanity.
And as icing on the cake, Princess Madison asked him whether or not snails are really ticklish and then fell asleep during his explanation, so he took to his shell when he saw her coming after that.
When he went back to admiring the view of our jet, I considered that he had some good points… But it still wasn’t enough to spoil the nostalgia for me.
I had coffee.
My flight was boarding on time.
I’d see my family tonight and the Dark Knight awaited me this holiday.
Forget his complaints. I was happy enough to afford my Canadian experience some nostalgia.
-The Dauntless Princess-
(And Rodger)