Can you have awkward social encounters without saying a word? I can, and I don’t think I’m alone.
At an academic conference during my college years, on a night we all congregated in the grand ballroom, I noticed something strange: I couldn’t cross the room without bumping into someone. Not a literal bump, but that awkward hesitation where both bodies in motion hesitate, usually smiling and polite and gesturing the other to go ahead. When it had happened before that night in the ballroom, I’d always thought it was me being awkward. But experiencing it on this scale made me realize it was a space negotiation problem.
Space negotiation is a form of communication. It’s closely related to body language. Just like with any type of communication, everyone has different skill levels and can work on improving their space negotiation skills.
But just like everyone has bad communication days, everyone also has bad space negotiation days. Everyone in my family struggles with space negotiation skills, and I wonder if bad space negotiation is genetic. Since the struggle is common to the human experience, from my own long personal experience, here are some things you may identify with if you, too, struggle with the proximity of others.
1. Working in the kitchen together = anger
There’s nothing like your brother glaring at you because you’re standing too close to his elbow. Other families could get eight people in this kitchen, but with you and your brother there it’s one too many.
2. Bartenders
Have you ever wondered how they work quickly together in a very tiny area? It’s mesmerizing.
3. Seat sharing
Oh, and speaking of bars… One barstool between two people? Can’t do that. You’ll end up with back pain from taking one quarter of the stool.
4. Aisle seats on airplanes
Basically scrunching yourself into the smallest possible ball so someone can get to their middle seat vs. hopping up and standing in the aisle so you don’t have to brush physically.
5. Bathrooms
Usually taking the handicapped stall like “because I’m fat… because I need all this room… because I can’t bump the wall, it has germs.” The regular size toilet stalls, truth be known, would probably fit you… but no matter.
6. Elevators
It feels like people are standing ON you. And what’s with the guy who wants to push the button for your floor? Doesn’t he know that’s your fun for the day?
7. Restaurants
We all do it: take the long way through a restaurant to the bathroom because you WILL bump into chairs if you cut through. Usually right in front of that cute person who’s been smiling at you across the bar.
8. The handshake
You see someone you know, but do you know them well enough for a hug? Should you initiate a hug? It looks like they want to shake your hand, but they’re leaning their shoulders forward like a hug is coming. You play it safe and extend your hand and it knocks into their left arm as they try to hug you.
9. Pedestrianally appropriate behavior
A crowded sidewalk. Do you stay right? Take the side closest to the street? Move out of that guy’s way when he’s barreling toward you? Oops, he moved the same way to avoid you. Do you move again? Too late, now he’s mad. You should probably just walk directly behind the same person for twenty blocks because they know what they’re doing.